Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
