South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
