Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
