I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
