i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
