Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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