If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
