No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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