Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it penis luge time yet?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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