Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
