how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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