ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
