when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
