Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
