When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
