she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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