She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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