Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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