You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
