did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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