there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
