just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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