I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
