Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
