is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
