Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
