I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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