Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
