And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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