I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
