her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
