never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
