using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your penis caused this!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
