I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
