Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
