I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
