Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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