Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
