Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
