Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
