Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
