Just took my morning after pill in the library
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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