Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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