I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
