Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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