Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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