you would pick up someone in the library
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
