I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
