she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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