I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
only you would photoshop your dick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
