I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
