Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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