You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
