He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
