Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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